National Swiss Cheese Day “Swiss cheese is a rip-off. It’s the only cheese I can bite into and miss.” - Mitch Hedberg

National Fruit Cake Toss Day “The easiest way to make a fruit cake is to buy a darkish cake, then pound some old, hard fruit into it with a mallet. Be sure to wear safety glasses.” - Dave Barry

National Spaghetti Day “Friends are like spaghetti, they should stick together. The only way to have a friend is to be one.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

National Whipped Cream Day “Whipped cream isn’t whipped cream at all if it hasn’t been whipped with whips, just like poached eggs isn’t poached eggs unless it’s been stolen in the dead of night.” - Ronald Dahl

National Bean Day “I came to love my rows, my beans, though so many more than I wanted. They attached me to the earth, and so I got strength like Antaeus.” - Henry David Thoreau

National Tempura Day “Japanese food makes me feel particularly good.” - David Mitchell

National English Toffee Day “Candy is the most amazing thing in the world. No matter what age you are.” - Dylan Lauren

National Apricot Day “Five tender apricots in a blue bowl, a brief and exact promise of things to come.” - Frances Mayes

National Oysters Rockefeller Day “He was a bold man that first ate an oyster.” - Jonathan Swift